Using Description- Elaborating an Event

Description
It is the recipe for a great narrative. Your job is to make the story a mind movie for your reader.  
Last post, you learned how to detail a person, place, or thing.  This post you'll learn another strategy.

Elaborating an event
You begin by selecting an important event from a piece of writing.  Then elaborate on it.  Elaborate means to tell more, to make it longer, to add details.

Example:
I took my dog for a walk.

Let's elaborate:
Last evening, I took a walk with my dog, Max.  I usually take the same path so I can greet my neighbors and check on the miniature ponies in the choral a half mile down the road, but this time I chose I new route.  Max and I turned south instead of north and walked toward the railroad tracks. Max is little more cautious when we veer from our usual route, his nose stays close to the ground, sniffing every rock, crevice, and pothole.  We walk slower, taking in the new scenery. An abandoned dilapidated barn to my right, old boots dangled on the fence posts to my left. The sun begins to set. The air feels crisp.  "Let's go home, Max," I command.  He turns and we walk back.  I believe I'll venture this direction again.


What is the difference between the two examples above?

Using Description-Detailing a Person, Place, or Thing

Description
It is the recipe for a great narrative. Your job is to make the story a mind movie for your reader.  
Many of you said it best on an edmodo post when I asked the question:  What is reading?

                                      Carter:
                                       You want to be in the book picture in your mind what the setting of the place look like or                                                          what the characters look like.

Now how do we do that?

Detail a Person, Place, or Thing

Use detail to describe "select" people, places, or things.  Select means you need to be selective.  Not every item should be detailed, your job is to find the right part to detail and move the story along.  Other parts should be simply stated.  You must think about your story and select parts to detail.

For example:

I can't believe how messy my daughter's room is.  Her clothes are all over the room, but at least they are clean.

Let's turn that into a detail:

I can't believe how messy my daughter's room is.  Her dresser is piled with clothes: jeans, sweatshirts, socks, and belts all thrown on top of each other.  A blue T-Shirt hangs from the hidden white dresser drawer, a flowered scarf partially covers her jewelry box.  I cannot see the floor so tiptoe on top of her pillows, careful not to dirty them with my shoes.  I remember neatly folding those clothes and stacking them in her hot pink laundry basket. That was only yesterday.

How are two pieces above different?
Why would you need to be select when choosing a detail to describe?

*Ideas taken from Gretchen Owocki's book The Common Core Writing Book

Techniques for Establishing the Situation

     When readers choose a book, they can tell by reading the first few lines whether or not they'll like it. When planning your narrative, you'll need to hook your readers by capturing their attention and establishing a situation that will inform the reader what the book will be about.  Situations will introduce the main character and tension or experience they will live through. After listening to few examples by authors, we'll try this with our own writing.

Here is a list of techniques that you can try in your writing:

• Direct Statement:  On Saturday I was hiking with Tomas and Karl and we ran across a skunk.

• Dialogue:  "Do you smell something?"  Karl asked, "Oh, No! Skunnnnk!" Thomas shouted!

• "Draw-in" question:  Have you ever ridden in a very small car with tow yellow labs who have just been sprayed by a skunk?

• Fact-based question:  Did you know that skunks spray in order to keep off predators? They can spray 10 to 15 feet.  And did you also know that skunks can see a dog as predator?

• Fact or detail:  Skunks can spray from ten to fifteen feet!

• Snapshot:  Everything seemed to stop at the same time.  Karl stopped walking.  Tomas stopped talking.  The dogs disappeared into the brush.

• Connection to the audience:  If you have ever gong driving in the country, you might have smelled a skunk.  You know it when you smell it.

• Series of words:  Dogs.  Skunk.  Not a good mix.

• Observation from the senses:  Think sewage.  No, worse. Think rotten garbage.  No, worse.  Try skunk.

*Taken from Gretchen Owocki's book The Common Core Writing Book

Creating an Event Sequence: Use sticky notes

Today you will choose at least one idea and create an event sequence.  There are many ways to do this, here is the last strategy we will practice:  

• Use sticky notes.  List the key events of your narrative on sticky notes.  Play around with the order until you have it just right.  
• You can use technology to do this too :0)  I like popplet.  Go to www.popplet.com and click on sign up.  Use your google account login and password to create an account. Click on the ? to learn how to use popplet like sticky notes. You can change color of notes and text, and change font, and even add pictures.  You are able to collaborate on popplet too!  I love that.  See an example at the bottom of the page.

Here is my idea list from yesterday.  I am going to practice the strategies above using one idea.  

• Finishing my first half marathon
• Raising my first litter of puppies 
• My trip to Yellowstone National Park
• My trip to the Pacific Ocean
• The year I was bullied in school
• Writing my first book
• Planning my daughters wedding
• The last Christmas with my grandma
• Moving to Grand Forks
• Teaching my son in 2nd grade
• The year my husband was deployed
• Surviving a car accident
• Memories of my 5th grade year
• etc... 

Creating an Event Sequence: Sketch the Sequence

Today you will choose at least one idea and create an event sequence.  There are many ways to do this, here is the third strategy we will practice:  

• Sketch the Sequence:  Are you a doodler?  Try this: fold a piece of paper into three sections.  Label the sections:  beginning, middle, end.  Sketch what happens in each part.  Use the sketch to help tell the story aloud.  Add details to the sketch.  Use the sketch to guide your writing.  
• You can do this on Google Docs. Create a google draw, insert a 3 X 1 table, use the pen tool (drop down menu and choose scribble), then use the text tool to label.  It's kind of a pain to sketch with your netbook mouse but if you have a tablet, it's really easy to sketch :0)  See my example below.

Here is my idea list from yesterday.  I am going to practice the strategies above using one idea.  

• Finishing my first half marathon
• Raising my first litter of puppies 
• My trip to Yellowstone National Park
• My trip to the Pacific Ocean
• The year I was bullied in school
• Writing my first book
• Planning my daughters wedding
• The last Christmas with my grandma
• Moving to Grand Forks
• Teaching my son in 2nd grade
• The year my husband was deployed
• Surviving a car accident
• Memories of my 5th grade year
• etc... 

Creating an Event Sequence: Jot Notes About the Sequence

Today you will choose at least one idea and create an event sequence.  Yesterday you practiced the idea web, here is the second strategy we will practice:  

• Jot Notes About the Sequence:  Fold a piece of paper into three sections.  Label the sections:  beginning, middle, end.  Jot notes about what happens in each part.  use the notes to practice telling the story aloud, highlighting or circling parts to use and crossing off parts that don't move the piece along.  To help with the sequencing, it may be useful to number parts of the notes within each section before writing the story on another paper. 
• If you are using your google docs, tables work well for this.  I'll show how I use tables in class then post it below. 

Here is my idea list from yesterday.  Again, I am going to practice the strategies above using one idea.  

• Finishing my first half marathon
• Raising my first litter of puppies 
• My trip to Yellowstone National Park
• My trip to the Pacific Ocean
• The year I was bullied in school
• Writing my first book
• Planning my daughters wedding
• The last Christmas with my grandma
• Moving to Grand Forks
• Teaching my son in 2nd grade
• The year my husband was deployed
• Surviving a car accident
• Memories of my 5th grade year
• etc... 

Creating an Event Sequence: Idea Web

Today you will choose at least one idea and create an event sequence.  There are many ways to do this, here is the first of four strategies we will practice:  

• Use an idea web.  Write your topic in the center then web the events around the topic.  Number the events in the order you'd like to tell the story.

Here is my idea list from yesterday.  I am going to practice the strategies above using one idea.  

• Finishing my first half marathon
• Raising my first litter of puppies 
• My trip to Yellowstone National Park
• My trip to the Pacific Ocean
• The year I was bullied in school
• Writing my first book
• Planning my daughters wedding
• The last christmas with my grandma
• Moving to Grand Forks
• Teaching my son in 2nd grade
• The year my husband was deployed
• Surviving a car accident
• Memories of my 5th grade year
• etc... 

Here is my idea web.  I used google draw (click on drive, create, draw) but you can easily do this on a piece of paper.  What you use to draw the web is not important.  Write your ideas based on your theme or topic and then number them to start a sequence.  

Play around with your ideas and see what happens.  What are your thoughts about this?  

List of Memorable Events

Dear writers in TH5,

     Here is your task for today.  Make a list of events in your life that you find memorable.  You may write in your google docs or in your writer's notebooks.  Please share them with me if you are using your docs.  My list would look like the following:

• Finishing my first half marathon
• Raising my first litter of puppies
• My trip to Yellowstone National Park
• My trip to the Pacific Ocean
• The year I was bullied in high school
• Writing my first book
• Planning my daughters wedding
• My last year with my grandma
• Moving to a Grand Forks
• Teaching my son in 2nd grade
• The year my husband was deployed
• Surviving a car accident
• Memories of my 5th grade year
• etc...  

Try to come up with at least 10 events that you could write more about.  Think, Write, Share :0)

Veterans Day

Veterans Day is soon approaching.  It is an important day reserved for remembering, honoring, and showing gratitude to our nation's veterans.  A veteran is a person who has

FEDERAL DEFINITION: under Federal Law a VETERAN is any person, who served honorably on active duty in the armed forces of the United States. (Discharges marked GENERAL AND UNDER HONORABLE CONDITIONS also qualify.)

Below is a short video about the history of Veterans Day:

On Friday, our school will have a program led by our Music teacher, Mrs. Winger, to honor veterans in our community.  Many of our 5th graders are singing and all of them are creating a card that will be given to a guest veteran showing our gratitude for their service.  Big jobs!  How do we even begin to say thank you for the gifts they have given to us?

Below are videos that warmed my heart.  Watch one or watch them all.

What are you feeling after watching them?  

What would you like to tell a veteran? 

In what ways could you thank them

NaNoWriMo Young Writers

Click on the link below and check out 

NaNoWriMo Young Writers

NaNoWriMo Young Writers

Click on the About tab to learn what this program is all about then tell me what you think.  Is this something you'd be interested in?

Click on Resources to see what else is available for young writers.  What questions do you have?

Wolfram/Alpha Widget

I came across an awesome widget called Wolfram Alpha.  You can see it on the right side of my blog under by picture.  It is a dictionary widget that provides definitions, synonyms, and pronunciations. The Fun Word Calculator provides users with anagrams, rhyming words, and the Scrabble value of words. Here's the link to the embedding code so you can upload your own. Go to layout, add a widget, +html, then embed the code :0). This could be very useful in your writing!

Wolfram/Alpha Widget

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