Using Description- Rewording

Description
It is the recipe for a great narrative. Your job is to make the story a mind movie for your reader. In prior blog posts, you've learned that strategies for using description in your narrative:  Detailing a Person, Place, or Thing,  Elaborating on an Event, Using Sensory Details, Showing, Not Telling, and Drawing from Word Lists.

Today you'll learn another strategy called Rewording.

Rewording

This is when you revise a sentence and you choose one word, a phrase, or even a sentence, then add or change around the word order to make it clearer.

I do this by rereading my piece then underlining the word or phrase I want to reword.  This works well when you have a partner or writing group to help you.  Sometimes it helps to have a fresh "eye" looking at your work.

Example:
I rode past the stores and thought how much I wished I had money to go shopping.  I really wanted a Rainbow Loom but I also wanted a digital camera and ipod touch.  I needed to have a lot of money to buy all of those things but since I have none, I won't buy anything.

Reworded:
My pockets were empty as I rode my scooter past Target.  Earlier that day, I saw the Target flyer and instantly I could feel my wallet burn a hole in my pocket.  I needed to save $200 to buy that ipod touch, so I'd have to ride past Target and save my money for another day.  The Rainbow Loom and digital camera would have to wait until after I purchased my iPod.  A penny saved is a penny earned.